Aug 292011
 

Dragon Virus

Written:  Laura Anne Gilman

Published: June, 2011

Publisher: Fairwood Press

ISBN:  1933846259

Obtained via: Purchase

Blurb: 

It began soon after the Millennium. Reports of newborns with strange malformations, too weak to live . . . caused by a single genetic mutation. Or, as the press quickly dubbed it, the Dragon Virus. Scientists predicted that it was an evolutionary dead end; that the mutation would burn itself out quickly; that it was nothing to be worried about.

They were wrong.

Every racial type. Almost every continent. No known cause. Human-created, maybe. Or just God, throwing the dice. Infecting us, warping us. Tied into our genetic code, from here on in. No known treatment. No idea where even to begin.

Everything was about to change.

My Review: 

The Apocalypse. It’s been written of in many, many ways over recent years: viral plagues, meteors, zombies, climate change, earthquakes, vampires, hurricanes and floods. Dragon Virus is another of those apocalyptic stories – but it’s not at all the same. As the title pages says, this is ‘a tragedy in six evolutions /an evolution in six tragedies’. Or, as T.S. Eliot famously said,’This is the way the world ends/Not with a bang but a whimper.’

What Dragon Virus gives us is six glimpses of a unique apocalypse that spans generations. Generations during which humans manage to breed themselves out of existence. The titular disease is actually a genetic mutation, an aberration which scientists originally said would be a short-lived mistake of Mother Nature.

They were wrong.

This is no X-Men-esque story, where beings of special looks and talents (though there are those) become both humanity’s villains and saviors. As so often happens in real life, the true villain of the story is human nature. It is human nature that causes the rift between homo sapiens and other. And it is “human” nature in both – shall we call them species? – that causes the eventual implosion of society and culture as the rift tears the world as we know it apart.

From the body of a tiny stillborn Dragon child, to the pitiful remains of a human baby so loved by her Dragon brother that he smothers her in her crib rather than see her persecuted for being “different”, this is no happy story. Gilman has left us no shreds of hope here that homo sapien will triumph – indeed, this is a true apocalypse, as when the story is done humanity no longer even exists at all. This is an unflinching look at the most brutal parts of society and people in general: prejudice, persecution, violence, suicide, violation, murder.

Dragon Virus is a small, unassuming volume. Slim and nonthreatening, even with it’s bloody cover art. Don’t be fooled. Between it’s covers is a truly frightening look at how easily humanity could really fall apart.

Available as a limited, signed, numbered hardcover edition from Fairwood Press, there are still copies available. (I received copy #26.) I can tell that I personally debated the price point for quite some time, before I admitted that I was intrigued enough by the blurb that I needed to be able to read it. I wasn’t at all disappointed in what I got back for my money.

It’s no secret that I think Gilman is one of the oft-overlooked masters of the craft. Dragon Virus, although not for the faint of heart, is not only worth the money – it’s worth the nightmares afterward, too.

Rating: ★★★★★ 

Aug 152011
 

In The Dead: Volume 1 

Companion to Living with the Dead Series

Written:  Jesse Petersen

Published: July 2011

ISBN: 0012768200

Obtained via:  Author

Blurb: 

When the Zombie Apocalypse began in Seattle and spread within days to almost the entire western half the country, the survivors had to figure out how to deal with the plague and live one day at a time. These are their stories.

If you liked Jesse Petersen’s zombie comedies Married With Zombies, Flip This Zombie and Eat Slay Love, these nine stories are set in the same world, but from the perspective of other survivors.

My Review: 

This is a collection of shocking and compelling stories telling of the human condition during and after a zombie outbreak. Some are tender, some filled with the resilient human spirit of hope… and just a few end in despair. All of them are likely to break your heart at one point or another. This volume is an excellent introduction to Petersen’s work, or a must-have addition to a fan’s shelf. And, this digital edition is easy to carry in case of Zombie Apocalypse!

It also has a wonderful price point — only $2.99 over at Barnes and Noble or Amazon.

(And my deepest apologies to the author. I thought I’d posted this review two weeks ago, and turns out it hadn’t gone up as planned. Oops!) 

Rating: ★★★★½ 

Jul 262011
 

The Mumbo Jumbo Circus

 Written:  Jane George [website]

PublishedApril 15, 2011

Publisher: Red Willow Publishing

ISBN: 9781936539086

Obtained via: Author

Blurb: 

Magic. Mystery. Mayhem. The MUMBO JUMBO CIRCUS… 

When the enigmatic Ringmaster asks 15-year-old Evanja (Evan) Leane to run away and join the circus, she says yes. Anywhere’s got to be better than foster home Number Eight. Evan learns that this ragtag circus, a haven for throwaway teens, relies on more than spectacle and illusion. This circus is built on magic. Each of the teens possesses a donvrai, a true gift, that manifests only in the presence of the Ringmaster’s mysterious Ju-Ju. Unlike many of the other teens who must wait for their donvrai to emerge, Evan’s gift surfaces on her first night: she can read horses’ minds. This would be totally awesome except she has been deathly afraid of horses since foster home Number Three. But circus is a dying art. If Evan wants to save her beloved new-found home, she must concoct a brilliant horse act that will bring in the crowds. And she’d better get over herself and get on with it fast; there’s a traitor close to the Ringmaster who will stop at nothing to make sure she doesn’t succeed. 

With B&W illustrations. 
Contains: some swearing. Recommended for age 14 and up.

My Review (Which Contains Vague Spoilers, If You Care About Such Things): 

The Mumbo Jumbo Circus is a sweet and eccentric coming of age story filled with all the strangeness a circus story should have. I haven’t had this much fun with a circus novel since Toby Tyler, or Ten Weeks with a Circus. The writing is lovely and the story is a breath of fresh air. I really like it, and am looking forward to buying a copy for my niece in a few years.

I only have one or two beefs with the book. Jacques and his henchmen kidnapped Evan, and she was rescued — but there was no final confrontation. The good guys didn’t “win” so much as the bad guys were put off for another day. That plot line just kind of petered out and never resolved itself, leaving me feeling vaguely cheated. And what about Chandi the Tiger Tamer? Are she and her tigers stuck being tormented simply because the Mumbo Jumbo “ju-ju” said so?

Happily, I sent off a question to the author, and discovered that Mumbo Jumbo *is*, in fact, the beginning of a series. There are six books planned, each with a different POV. This fixes most of my issues  – namely, the unanswered questions. It still feels a bit like the big climax happened in the middle of the book, but since this is just the beginning of things I’m much more willing to forgive that.

Honestly, I was quite pleasantly surprised* and pleased with how well this book was written, and its deft exploration of significant teenage themes like fitting in, contributing to society, teamwork, and standing up to bullies. The illustrations were lovely. (Why don’t more books do that?) I recommend this for teenage readers who don’t mind a bit of whimsy; it’s certainly a nice change from the very necessary but fairly dark turn that some YA books have taken lately.

*The surprise wasn’t really this author’s fault. I’ve just had a bit of a bad run lately with the quality of books I’ve been asked to review. 

Rating: ★★★½☆ 

 

Jul 152011
 

Hounded

The Iron Druid #1

Written: Kevin Hearne [website]
Published: May 3, 2011
Publisher: Del Ray
Obtained via: Purchase
Blurb:

Atticus O’Sullivan has been running for two thousand years and he’s a bit tired of it. After he stole a magical sword from the Tuatha Dé Danann (those who became the Sidhe or the Fae) in a first century battle, some of them were furious and gave chase, and some were secretly amused that a Druid had the cheek to defy them.

As the centuries passed and Atticus remained an annoyingly long-lived fugitive, those who were furious only grew more so, while others began to aid him in secret. Now he’s living in Tempe, Arizona, the very last of the Druids, far from where the Fae can easily find him. It’s a place where many paranormals have decided to hide from the troubles of the Old World—from an Icelandic vampire holding a grudge against Thor to a coven of Polish witches who ran from the German Blitzkrieg.

Unfortunately, the very angry Celtic god who wants that sword has tracked him down, and Atticus will need all his power, plus the help of a seductive goddess of death, a sexy bartender possessed by a Hindu witch, and some good, old-fashioned luck of the Irish to kick some arse and deliver himself from evil.

You can read the first six chapters of HOUNDED for free right here.

My Review:

Kevin Hearne is my newest discovered favorite author. I read both Hounded and Hexed (book 2 in the series) in a row, and I’d have read the third, Hammered, too, if I’d only been able to find it. (It will be released the day after I am writing this, on July 5th!)
Atticus O’Sullivan’s voice has all the snark and pop culture references of Jim Butcher’s Harry Dresden without the tinge of misogyny  that drives some people batty. (For the record – not me.) And, as much as we all love Harry (and we do, don’t we?), that series has gone to some very dark places recently. Except Atticus is really nothing like Harry at all, and making that comparison does both men a disservice. Saying, “X is just like Y!” is sort of disrespectful to the work both authors have done to make their work unique. Although, let’s be honest, I’ll lie a bit and make the comparison anyway if it gets some people to read this series. I’m sneaky that way.
Anyway!
Atticus is a 21(hundred)-year-old Druid living in today’s Tempe, Arizona (which, let’s face it, is basically Phoenix – unless you live there, in which case it Totally. Isn’t.) His best friends are his telepathically linked Irish Wolfhound, Oberon; the nice old Irish lady from his neighborhood, who likes to drink whiskey and sexually harass him when he mows her lawn; and Morrigan, the Celtic goddess of death and the battlefield, who usually takes the form of a crow with glowing red eyes and would just as soon eat him as look at him.
With a pissed-off love god coming to kill him to reclaim a legendary Irish sword, the Tempe police tailing him because of a dead body in the desert, and a coven of Polish witches meddling in his affairs, Atticus can’t tell his friends from his frienemies. He’s used to running away from his problems, but this time he decides to take a stand.
I loved this book, and I can see even just from the following volume that the author’s work is getting even better. I look forward to following this series through a long and prosperous life.

Rating: ★★★★☆ 

Jul 102011
 

Goblin Tales by Jim C. Hines
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I adore Hines’ Goblin books about Jig, the reluctant goblin hero, because of the way they poke fun at the old “D&D” fantasy tropes. Plus, I enjoy rooting for the underdog, and there’s nothing quite as ”underdog” as an entire race of creatures known affectionately as “cannon fodder”.

In this collection of short stories, we see a couple of glimpses into Jig’s younger days. Baby Jig is absolutely gobli-dorable! Veka’s story is also funny and heart-wrenching and disturbing — sort of like high school. I think the best part of the collection, though, was the glimpse we get into the world of the upcoming Libriomancer series.

Libriomancer sounds like a fun new world that will be fascinating to those who’ve spent some time reading in the SF/F genres. I can’t wait to read it and see if I “get” all the references.

This collection is at a great price, is DRM-free, and worth the price for the Libriomancer sneak peek alone. If you buy this and you’re disappointed… Well, then I’ll be disappointed in YOU.

Jul 072011
 

My Life As A White Trash Zombie

White Trash Zombie #1

Written: Diana Rowland

Published: July 5, 2011

Publisher: DAW

ISBN: 9780756406752

Obtained via: Purchase

Blurb:

Teenage delinquent Angel Crawford lives with her redneck father in the swamps of southern Louisiana. She’s a high school dropout, addicted to drugs and alcohol, and has a police record a mile long. But when she’s made into a zombie after a car crash, her addictions disappear, except for her all-consuming need to stay “alive”…

My Review:

For a hot pink book featuring a wonderfully white-trashy, Louisianna-bayou-living redneck heroine with a pill addicion, this book has it’s surprisingly deep moments. I loved it to pieces (pun intended).

Underneath the decomposing bodies, blood, and brains is the story of a girl with mentally ill and alcoholic parents who has hit rock bottom via a horrific accident that left her wandering overdosed and naked on the side of a swampy road. A mysterious benefactor has saved her life and gotten her a job at the local morgue (and – oh, yeah – turned her into a zombie!) Except a serial killer starts depriving people of their brains, and Angel suspects a fellow zombie has gone rogue. Since the cops don’t even realize zombies exist, it’s up to Angel to stop the killer. In the meantime, Angel has to deal with a selfish, criminal boyfriend; her alcoholic dad; her own pill addiction; as well as avoid arousing the suspicion of her co-workers as she steals the brains she needs to survive.

Rowland manages to mix the macabre with the sincere in this book, balancing the grotesque with the sarcastic, and the desperate with the ordinary. In case you can’t read between the lines: this book has its revolting and hilarious moments. I mean, we’re talking about a zombie who’s a morgue tech. If you can’t assume we’ll have some blood and guts and some callous disregard for the dignity of corpses, then you probably shouldn’t be reading at all, okay?

This is a fun book, with a bit of depth if you care to look for it. The romance plot line is subtle enough for us anti-romance-ers (okay, me), at least until the bottom of the ninth when it kind of smacks you in the face. But it’s a gentle smack, at least, and I give Rowland props for not using the “in love in less than two days” scenario that so many books do. The “twist” ending isn’t very twisty but it’s enjoyable, if a smidgen on the abrupt side. The book is worth buying just for Dan Dos Santos’ amazing cover (even if it is pink!), but happily the inside is just as yummy as the outside.

I’m going to give it 4 and 1/2 stars, not because it isn’t awesome, but because I think it will get even better as we go along.

Oh, and I almost forgot…. If you’ve read this far, you get a special surprise! I promised the author herself I’d give away two copies of this book on my blog. And I’m fulfilling that promise. Comment on this post if you want entered to win your very own copy of WTZ. Contest closes July 14, 2011 at midnight in the US Eastern time zone. I’ll ship anywhere in the US, mostly because I can print that postage online. (If it requires a trip to the post office, it won’t get done for a very long time. I’m lazy. Sorry. Just ask my previous contest winners!) Note: I don’t care where you actually live, as long as you give me a US address to mail to. If you have a friend who’ll forward it, that’s good enough for me!

“Zombie Super Powers, Activate!”

Rating: ★★★★½ 

Jul 052011
 

Dead Iron

Age of Steam #1

Written: Devon Monk [website]

Published: July 1, 2011

Publisher: Roc

ISBN: 9780451463968

Obtained via: Author

Blurb:

Welcome to a new America that is built on blood, sweat, and gears…

In steam age America, men, monsters, machines, and magic battle for the same scrap of earth and sky. In this chaos, bounty hunter Cedar Hunt rides, cursed by lycanthropy and carrying the guilt of his brother’s death. Then he’s offered hope that his brother may yet survive. All he has to do is find the Holder: a powerful device created by mad devisers-and now in the hands of an ancient Strange who was banished to walk this Earth.

In a land shaped by magic, steam, and iron, where the only things a man can count on are his guns, gears, and grit, Cedar will have to depend on all three if he’s going to save his brother and reclaim his soul once and for all…

My Review:

This book is the steam punk story I’ve been waiting for since my husband forced me to watch Full-Metal Alchemist. Lots of authors seem to think that if only they throw a couple of gears into the story that it will qualify as steam punk. Dead Iron, though, is the only story I’ve found that manages that same creepy, brass-plated, “playing with powers beyond mortal ken” kind of feel that FMA had. But it is the human elements of both stories that call to me: among the steam-powered robots and creepy alchemical creatures is a tale of sorrow, loss, and love. Of course, there are also some kick-ass fight scenes and incredibly funny moments, too.

With werewolves, witches, fey creatures, steam punk robots, and railroad tycoons all mixing it up in the Old West, one would think that the story would be jumbled with too many disparate elements. It isn’t. I don’t know how the author does it, but she does it well. If you are of the inclination that Dead Iron might be a fluke – you need to read her short story collection, A Cup of Normal.  Monk does strange as naturally as breathing, and just as practiced. The only disappointment I have with the story is that there wasn’t another 3,000 or so pages of it. I can’t wait for the next volume so I can see what happens next!

Rating: ★★★★★ 

 

Jun 272011
 

Eat Slay Love

Living With the Dead #3

Written: Jesse Petersen

Published: 07/01/2011

ISBN: 1849835292

Obtained via: NetGalley

 

***************************

The blurb for this book has what some may consider spoilers for the previous two volumes. Please continue with caution.

****************************************************

 

 

Blurb:

Sarah and David have survived the zombie apocalypse. They stood side by side and fought the undead, mad scientists, and even bionic monsters until the unthinkable happened. A zombie bite. But not even that could stop them. Now, with a possible cure in hand, they’re headed east, looking for a safe zone behind the rumored “Wall.” They’re feeling pretty optimistic.

That is until Dave stops sleeping and starts lifting huge objects.

Eat. Slay.  Love.

Because they haven’t got a prayer.

My Review:

This series is my favorite recent zombie tale. I love that there’s a stable romantic couple in the lead. I love the crazy gross zombies and the weird surprises of the story. (Cult leaders! Mad scientists! Investigative reporters!) I especially love the snarky narration of the main character, Sarah.

I just enjoy this series to pieces. Each book has been more enjoyable than the last, and I can’t wait for the next (and concluding… for now) volume. They’re fairly short works, compared to some of the monster fantasies I’ve read in the past (I’m looking at you Pat Rothfuss!), only 250 – 300 pages. That means you can read each of them in a day or a weekend – making them wonderful beach reads or a great way to spend a lazy summer weekend.

If you’re already reading this series, you don’t need me to convince you to buy this book. If you’ve not yet picked this up, go back to Married with Zombies and get started!

Rating: ★★★★½ 

Jun 082011
 

The Perilous Prophecy of Guard and Goddess

Strangely Beautiful #3 (Prequel)

Written: Leanna Renee Hieber

Published: 5/3/2011

ISBN: 9781428511163

Obtained via: NetGalley

Blurb:

The Goddess:  In the beginning, there were lovers: a winged deity of power and light, and a queen of graceand beauty. Phoenix was murdered, his beloved stolen away to the Whisper-world. But their passion inspired the Muses. Through great sacrifice, it could live again.The Guard:

There are always six, mortal hosts for the divine. Battling spirits through the ages, they defy Darkness, Lord of the Dead. In 1867, a shadow rises. The tide turns against them, and all hope falls on a child of prophecy, an eerie, snow-white girl yet to be born. But her path must be cleared. A Great War is coming, and song, wind and stars whisper that the eighteen-year-old Beatrice Smith must give everything to prepare.

My Review:

Beautiful and elegant as ever, this is probably my favorite book in the trio so far. We learn much more about the history of the Guard here, and see their immortal patron goddess in her original flesh. I enjoyed the further glimpses into Darkness, Persephone’s underworld captor. This series is certainly a unique twist on the old myth, and I always enjoy those.

We get to meet the members of the Guard who were active before Percy and Alexi’s group, and I loved seeing the Muses in new bodies. It was like meeting old friends with new faces (except less creepy than that would be!) I had no idea that these Guard had such a brief time together as an active group. I wonder if I missed a hint in one of the previous two volumes.

Of all the great loves among the guard, it is that of Beatrice and Ibrahim that touches me deepest. Their love, the one that took years to build as a bridge over a gulf of pig-headed stubbornness, the love that crosses racial and cultural divides, is the one that most closely mirrors my own. New York and Ohio are not so far apart as London and Cairo…. But only just.

Prophecy is the volume that will break your heart, the story that weaves a wondrous foundation for the previous pair. It gives the world a strength and depth that fans just can’t miss.

Rating: ★★★★½ 

May 282011
 

Book 6 - Signs of the ZodiacThe Neon Graveyard

Signs of the Zodiac #6

Written: Vicki Pettersson [website]

Published: May 31, 2011

Publisher: Harper Voyager

ISBN: 978-0061456794

Obtained via: NetGalley (& Purchase)

Blurb:

Once she was a soldier for the Light, the prophesied savior who would decide the outcome of the eternal conflict raging unseen in the dark corners of her glittering hometown. Now Joanna Archer is just another mortal—still born of an impossible union of Shadow and Light . . . still hunted by both—and carrying the unborn child of a lover held captive by a depraved demon goddess. Joining forces with a band of rogue Shadow agents, Joanna’s ready to storm the stronghold of her demonic foe, risking everything to enter this ghastly, godforsaken realm where the price of admission is her eternal soul. Because in a world that has stripped her of her power, identity, and fortune, Joanna has nothing left to lose—except her baby, her future, and the epic war poised to consume the city.

My Review:

If you’re a fan of this series, I don’t need to try to persuade you to read this book. If you’re not a fan – what are you waiting for?

This series has more goodies than a reader knows what to do with: debutantes and superheroes; villains; cool weapons; casinos; the sweaty, sunny Las Vegas desert; a comic book store complete with preternaturally creepy pre-teens; defenestration; sex; violence; mystery; astrology. It’s an awfully good thing that our author does in fact know what to do with it all!

The Neon Graveyard is the absolute perfect end to the series. Joanna has been built up and torn down over and over (and over) and this ending is just as ugly and messy and visceral as her life has always been. Things do not fit together in a tidy package with a cute little Olivia-worthy bow. No. It is put together like when I try to wrap a gift: the edges of the paper are cut crooked and folded in too many places to be pretty, the bow is mangled and has too many frayed ends. But the paper is unique, providing its own entertainment, and there is enthusiasm and care wrought into every crinkle and excess line of tape.

This story has always been messy, tangled, bloody and real. This ending gives us satisfaction and hope. Happiness? Well. That’s really for the reader to decide.

Now that the story is complete, new readers can take it all in one go. I imagine that reading all six books at once is sort of like having incredible sex in the middle of the southwestern desert: fantastically freeing, exhilarating, and absolutely unique. You’ll be completely emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted by the end of it. You’ll be wrung out, sweaty, and utterly satisfied. And — if you don’t manage to die from thirst, sand abrasions, heat stroke, sun burn, or a stray scorpion — it’ll be totally worth it. Just imagine the orgasm.

I can’t wait to try it myself! (The complete read-through, that is. I am much too much of an old married woman now to even want to attempt outside nookie in the middle of a desert. Imagine the chafing! Not to mention the sunburn….)

BUY IT!*

Rating: ★★★★★ 

*This is an affiliate link.

 

May 092011
 

The Diva Doctrine

Written: Patricia V. Davis

Published: 05/01/2011

Publisher: Bonneville Books

ISBN: 1599554801

Obtained from: Netgalley

Blurb:

Patricia V. Davis may be the first to tell you she’s an expert in failed relationships. But ask any of the readers who helped a post on her advice blog go viral, and they’ll say that whether you’re wide-eyed twenty-something dreamer, the world’s grooviest grandma, or something in between, there’s no one better able to help you on your way to becoming aTrue Diva!

My Review:

This is a non-fiction interlude to our (ir)regularly scheduled SF/F reviews. I saw this book on NetGalley and was intrigued. How does a single blog post become a book contract? What kind of advice does Ms. Davis have that is so applicable to the rest of female kind?

The problem with most self-help books is that they very rarely tell you anything that you couldn’t figure out for yourself. They may present them a little better, and they’re great at giving you little blurbs and quotes to chant to yourself in times of stress — but they even more rarely have anything to say that’s of tangible value.

The Diva Doctrine doesn’t really contain any information that a woman can’t learn from experience. Nearly every woman will eventually have a bad relationship, a dead-weight friendship, or a disagreement with family. And nearly every woman will eventually learn how to take care of herself inside and out. Some of us end up taking a bit longer than others to learn these lessons, though. Some women even need to learn them over and over again.

The author’s goal here is to lay out these learning experiences in terms that someone who hasn’t lived them can understand. If you haven’t yet figured out confidence, how to say no, where to draw the line, or how to take care of yourself – then you are in the target audience for this book. The original blog post that inspired the book was framed as advice ‘From an Older Woman to a Younger One’.

If the author wasn’t so warm and funny, it might have sounded pretentious. So it’s a good thing that she manages to sound self-effacing: matter-of-fact about her mistakes and like she is genuinely writing to help people, and not to simply create a book that those desperate for help will buy.

Will the advice in this book be life-changing? Ehhhh… I’m not so sure about that. Maybe if I’d had it at fifteen and been willing to accept and follow it. Are the author’s words personable, endearing, and entertaining? Yes, absolutely. Sometimes we all need reminders about being good to ourselves, how to banishing negativity (both internal and external), and how to find but not force love.

This is a perfect commiseration book. If you’re feeling down and want some sympathy from a woman who’s “been there” (or done worse), this book can certainly provide it.


Rating: ★★½☆☆ 

 

Apr 242011
 

The Goddess Test

Goddess Test #1

Written: Aimée Carter

Published: April 26, 2011

Publisher: Harlequin Teen

ISBN: 0373210264

Obtained via: NetGalley

Blurb:

It’s always been just Kate and her mom—and her mother is dying. Her last wish? To move back to her childhood home. So Kate’s going to start at a new school with no friends, no other family and the fear her mother won’t live past the fall.Then she meets Henry. Dark. Tortured. And mesmerizing. He claims to be Hades, god of the Underworld—and if she accepts his bargain, he’ll keep her mother alive while Kate tries to pass seven tests.

Kate is sure he’s crazy—until she sees him bring a girl back from the dead. Now saving her mother seems crazily possible. If she succeeds, she’ll become Henry’s future bride, and a goddess.

My Review:

I had a long statement here before about how much I’ve always loved the Persephone myth, how I always thought something was missing, that I believed that Persephone might have been almost grateful for the things her kidnapping allowed her to become.

Then I realized that’s not what this book is about, so my review shouldn’t be, either. This book wasn’t the way that I had envisioned a retelling of this mythology – but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have merit in its own right.

In The Goddess Test, the original Persephone became Queen of the Underworld due to a political alliance, not through a kidnapping. Her husband loved her to distraction, but she did not return his favor. She loved a human, and gave up her status and power to follow him into death itself.

Now, the Underworld has been without a Queen for many years. Girls have been tested repeatedly, but all have failed – been murdered, actually, and the murderer has never been found. Now, in the last few years before a deadline that would force him to give up his life and his place, Hades has found his last chance: Kate.

Not only does she have to survive the testing, but she also has to be accepted by the other gods. Neither of these is an easy task. Worse, to Kate’s mind… What’s the point of becoming immortal if you’re forced to marry a guy who could never love you, because he’s put the memory of his former wife on a pedestal higher than any girl could ever reach?

This book is the ultimate in teenage wish fulfillment – which is good, because it’s a young adult novel. Ordinary girl Kate, who’s mother is dying and who hasn’t had a real friend in years, is snatched out of the mundane and given everything she could ever want. Her mother’s cancer is held back by a promise from Hades. A girl who started out hating her is suddenly her best friend. Two different gorgeous boys are vying for her favor. She’s also given a beautiful room, servants to dress her, all the food she could want, and a closet full of clothing from every time period known to man. Oh, and she also has the chance to become immortal: a goddess, with powers beyond imagining.

What teenage girl wouldn’t want all of that?

Persephone’s myth is a perfect story to be adapted for teen readers: forbidden love, a rich and powerful guy, the change in perception from girl to woman. What teenage girl wouldn’t swoon at that? It’s a classic. Even so, there’s always a chance that it could be handled badly.

I have to admit, though, that in this case it was handled very well. Even if the adult in me was rolling her eyes at the obvious wish-fulfillment, the teenage girl I still remember was fascinated by the tale. Yes, sometimes it even gets to me: clothes, food, friends, immortality (read: eternal youth and beauty), and the true love of an honestly decent guy. Now that I think about it, maybe even the adult woman in me had more fun with this than she’d care to admit.

If you’re a Greek mythology fan, especially if you like Persephone’s tale, and if you don’t mind a bit of teenage angst, then you should give The Goddess Test a try.

Rating: ★★★☆☆ 

Apr 192011
 

 

The Wise Man’s Fear

The Kingkiller Chronicle #2

Written: Patrick Rothfuss

Published: March 1, 2011

Publisher: DAW

ISBN: 0756404738

Obtained via: Purchase

Blurb:

For nearly four years, fantasy and science fiction enthusiasts have been eagerly awaiting this second volume to Patrick Rothfuss’ Kingkiller Chronicles. The first volume, The Name of the Wind, won the prestigious Quill Award and was recently voted as the third-best SFF novel of the decade on Tor.com. In this linchpin book of the trilogy, Kvothe continues his perilous search for answers about the Chandrian even as he grapples with more pressing dangers.

My Review:

Pat Rothfuss’ writing ranks about an 8 on the Sanderson scale. What? You don’t know about the Sanderson scale?

Have you ever read any of Brandon Sanderson’s stuff? Not his Wheel of Time work, but the books that spring from his own imagination like Elantris, Mistborn or — most especially — The Way of Kings? You see, Sanderson writes a mind-bogglingly good fantasy novel. A very highly complex, really good fantasy novel.

If you’ve read any of the above, especially TWoK, you’ll understand. The Sanderson scale is when you come across a book that is a mind-blowing, amazingly fun read — even though you have no idea what the capital-F is going on. And it’s an exponential scale, kind of like the one they have for earthquakes. An 8 on the Sanderson scale is like 100 times more crazily weird than a 7, and so on.

The Wise Man’s Fear is about an 8 on the Sanderson scale because Rothfuss manages to slip in about a 100,000 tiny little mysteries and then MAKES YOU FORGET ABOUT THEM in the next five words, because of the other awesomeness he is writing about.

There are the big ones, of course. Like the Chandrian and the Amyr or who Denna’s patron is. But there are hundreds of smaller ones, too. Like why is Denna’s ring so important to her? And why did Auri come to Kvothe’s room the night Ambrose drugged him? There are tons of little things like that, the ones that make me wonder for an instant and then are gone by the next page.

Intricate is about the only word I can use to describe this book. Kvothe’s whole world seems so intricately locked together that it’s no wonder it took so long for Rothfuss to write and edit book two. I couldn’t even begin to pull out all the threads for examination, let alone keep them all straight in my head if I were the author of this beast!

So yes, here is my summary of adjectives: mind-blowing, amazing, intricate, mysterious, complex. Wonderful. Stunning. (And lots of people say “stunning” in regard to books and movies, but I say I am seriously *stunned* to even think about the amount of effort that went into creating this story.)

Patrick Rothfuss is a rare and delightful storyteller, the likes of which come along by only a handful in each generation. The writer in me can only grovel, bang my forehead on the floor and weep, “I’m not worthy!” The reader in me would say something profound… Except she is still stunned by the depth and richness of this story, and can only blink and rub her eyes and look mystified.

Rating: ★★★★★ 


Apr 162011
 

Flip This Zombie

Living With The Dead #2

Written: Jesse Petersen

Published: January 1, 2011

Publisher: Orbit

ISBN: 0316102954

Obtained via: Purchase (e-book)

Blurb:

The Zombie Apocalypse has been good to Sarah and David. Their marriage is better than ever. They communicate well, share responsibilities, and now, they’re starting a business. ZombieBusters-for all your zombie extermination needs.

There are lots of zombies and that means lots of customers…Except one of them doesn’t want the zombies dead, he wants them alive and ready for experimentation. Mad scientists make for difficult clients and this time, Sarah and David might have bitten off more than they can chew.

My Review:

I wanted an urban fantasy series that didn’t have the side plot of the main heroine trying to find her “true love”. Just once, I wanted to see a couple that was already in a committed relationship at the beginning of the novel. ‘Why aren’t there more married couples in UF?’, I railed. ‘Does everyone in the world have a crazy wish-fulfillment dream of the first blush of love? Where are the Old Married Couples of fiction??’

Well, I need no longer gnash my teeth at the lack of proper married couples: Sarah and David fill that need very well. Here — finally! — is a couple that doesn’t stare dreamily into their partner’s eyes in the midst of danger. FINALLY, here is a couple that takes care of business first and saves their sexual heat for times when they’re not about to be killed and eaten.

What a relief!

Jesse Petersen has provided us a no-nonsense, well-balanced couple who know the difference between nookie-time and zombie-killing-time. Obviously, there’s still room to play with the emotions of romance even in an old-hat marriage. This book, for instance, has a creepy scientist third wheel and some serious jealousy issues going on.

If you like zombies and sarcasm and are just a little bit curious about how life would go on for regular folks after the zombiepocalypse, then I think you should read this series. It’s a heck of a lot of fun.

Rating: ★★★★☆ 

Mar 132011
 

Kiara’s note: Whoops! I’ve had this review sitting for awhile and forgot to publish it! Sorry about that.

Cold Magic

Spiritwalker #1

Written: Kate Elliott

Published: September 2nd, 2010

Publisher: Orbit

ISBN: 1841498815

Obtained via: Publisher (ARC)

Blurb:

It is the dawn of a new age… The Industrial Revolution has begun, factories are springing up across the country, and new technologies are transforming in the cities. But the old ways do not die easy.

“I was not a bard or a djeli or an historian or a scribe and I was certainly not a sage, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t curious…”

Young Cat Barahal thinks she understands the world she lives in and her place in it, but in fact she is merely poised, unaware, on the brink of shattering events. Drawn into a labyrinth of politics involving blood, betrayal and old feuds, she will be forced to make an unexpected and perilous journey in order to discover the truth, not just about her own family but about an ancient secret lying at the heart of her world.

Cat and her cousin Bee are part of this revolution. Young women at college, learning of the science that will shape their future and ignorant of the magics that rule their families. But all of that will change when the Cold Mages come for Cat. New dangers lurk around every corner and hidden threats menace her every move. If blood can’t be trusted, who can you trust?

From one of the genre’s finest writers comes a bold new epic fantasy in which science and magic are locked in a deadly struggle.

My Review:

The basic elements of Cold Magic are all extraordinarily intriguing: ice magic, steampunk dirigibles, fairies, and an alternate-history London with more diversity than nearly any fantasy novel out there today. Unfortunately, I don’t think the elements come together all that well. I WANT to like this book; I really LIKE Kate Elliott’s previous work, and steampunk fascinates me.

Part of the problem, I think, is that Cat is a very reactionary character. She manages to get things done, but it seems like things are always happening TO her, rather than her DOING things. She flails from one plot point to another without much of a clear goal, and she has no idea what she wants out of life. She’s young, I know, but rather than making her endearing, these things make her sort of annoying.

A despised ice mage shows up at her family’s estate and demands Cat as his wife, to fulfill an unbeknownst-to-her contract that was made by her aunt and uncle years ago. Suddenly torn from everything she knows, she meekly follows this mage halfway across the country – being half-starved, confused, and ignored most of the way. Worse, her brand-new husband is a young, arrogant nobleman with problems and enemies of his own. But he doesn’t take the opportunity to make his new wife an ally…. And Cat doesn’t make the attempt, either. Then, of course, she’s not accepted into her husband’s mage household (for reasons I won’t ruin for you here) and is forced to run away. She bounces from England to Fairy and back again, and ends up … Right back where she started. And not much more wiser than she was when she left.

The problem with this novel, I think, is that I don’t love the main characters. I don’t even LIKE Cat or her mage-husband. I have big problems with a love story that so obviously leans toward “We don’t know anything about each other but somehow we just know our relationship is the beginning of TRUE LOVE, even if we won’t ADMIT IT.” This plot element is EXACTLY why I don’t read romance novels. I don’t find it believable or cute and I don’t like to sigh into my handkerchief and weep a gentle tear for the magic of love at first sight. Because, frankly, I think that kind of thinking is the worst kind of adolescent, wish-fulfillment bullshit.

The secondary characters, however, are stunning and awesome. Cat’s best friend and cousin telling the future through her drawings? AWESOME. The non-human races we’re introduced to? AWESOME. Ice magic and steampunk TOGETHER? In the same world? ALL KINDS OF AWESOME.

Which is why I’m so frustrated with the fact that, shortly after finishing the story… I’ve forgotten the details. It’s forgettable, and I’m disappointed by that. I still want to read the next in the series eventually, but it’s going to be pretty far down my to-do list.

Rating: ★★½☆☆ 

Mar 082011
 

Green-Eyed Demon

Sabina Kane #3

Written: Jaye Wells [website]

Published: February 22, 2011

Publisher: Orbit

ISBN: 9780316037778

Obtained via: Netgalley

The Blurb:

The clock is ticking for Sabina Kane. She has to save her sister from her mysterious captors. And in order to do that, she has to broker a deal between the mages and the vampires before all hell breaks loose.

But as much as Sabina is focused on surviving the present, the past won’t be ignored. Before she can save those she cares about, she’s got to save herself from the ghosts of her past. Because the past is haunting her. Literally.

My Review:

I have to be honest. I was looking for something to dislike about this book. I wasn’t happy with some of the choices our main character made in the last volume.

(Judgmental? Me? Absolutely, when it comes to fictional characters and whether I spend my time on them. A girl has only so much reading time in the day and must needs be choosy! Why read a book – or continue a series – if you’re not going to enjoy it?)

So, anyway, I was ready to give this book a run-through, be disappointed, and have one less series on my shelf.

Except. Dammit. The characters (and thus the author) have made all the right moves this time. Sabina is finally growing as a person – complete with real feelings! The story was lively and interesting (who could possibly write a boring story that has New Orleans and voodoo??) The ending was satisfying, while still leaving problems to be solved. And I have fallen in love with Gighul all over again.

Ms. Wells has done a very good job on this book. I guess I’ll need to find an arbitrary reason to take some OTHER series off my shelf instead. If you’re wavering on continuing after Mage in Black (like I was), let me tell you that this volume is worth the read. I went from being willing to give up on this series to wanting the next one in the course of one book. I guess all it takes is some voodoo, a midget orgy, a zombie or three, and a handful of drag queens to keep me hooked.

Rating: ★★★¾☆ 

Previous Reviews:

Mage In Black

Red-Headed Step-Child

Mar 032011
 

The Sworn

Fallen Kings #1

Written: Gail Z. Martin [website]

Published: February 3rd, 2011

Publisher: Orbit

ISBN: 1841499137

Obtained via: NetGalley

Blurb (via GoodReads.com): As plague and famine scourge the winter kingdoms, a vast invasion force is mustering from beyond the northern seas. And at its heart, a dark spirit mage wields the blood magic of ancient, vanquished gods.

Summoner-King Martris Drayke must attempt to meet this great threat, gathering an army from a country ravaged by civil war. Neighboring lands reel toward anarchy while plague decimates their leaders. Drayke must seek new allies from among the living – and the dead –- as an untested generation of rulers face their first battle.

Then someone disturbs the legendary Dread as they rest in a millennia-long slumber beneath sacred barrows. Their warrior guardians, the Sworn, know the Dread could be pivotal as a force for great good or evil. But if it’s the latter, could even the Summoner-King’s sorcery prevail?

The Sworn is Book One of The Fallen Kings Cycle, and it picks up the adventures of Tris, Jonmarc and the Winter Kingdoms gang six months after the end of Dark Lady’s Chosen. There are all new challenges, lots of dark magic and the biggest threat Margolan has faced in 400 years.

My Review:

The Sworn is the first book in a new series featuring the Winter Kingdoms and all our old friends fromChronicles of the Necromancer plus a few extras. It’s being advertised as the perfect place for new readers to start, and I agree that one could pick up the series here. However, I’m not entirely sure that this is thebest place to start.

We’ve got problems new and old in this story: there’s something odd with the infant heir to Margolan, the Divisionists in Isencroft are continuing to cause problems,  the Black Robes are still trying to raise the old gods – this time by disturbing the Dread, a mysterious noise is driving the hedge witches of the Winter Kingdoms mad, and the traitor Alvior is rumored to be on his way back home accompanied by an invasion fleet from across the Northern Sea. Maybe worst of all are the indications that there is a dark summoner walking the world, one who could be worse than Lemuel and the Obsidian King together.

The Sworn is a great addition to the world of the Winter Kingdoms. Fans will be thrilled to see Tris, Kiara (Can you guess that Kiara is my favorite?), Jonmarc and the others again, and it’s just as exciting to see new faces. I thought the story was engaging and Gail Z Martin certainly has a knack for creating interesting worlds and merging multiple mythologies together into a cohesive whole. What other book can you think of that has necromancers, ghosts, and mages along with vampires and werewolves, all set in a sword-and-sorcery type of world?

That said, I don’t know if The Sworn would be quite as engaging to the new reader as The Summoner (first book in The Chronicles of the Necromancer series) was for me. I’m frankly worried that a married Tris, a pregnant Kiara, and Jonmarc Vahanion as a father-to-be won’t capture the attention the way a palace coupe, a caravan of slave traders, and an army of the dead did for me. While a new reader can pick up here and not be confused, I feel they also would be missing out on the bulk of the story. If you’re considering this series, do yourself a favor and go back to The Summoner to start. I can’t imagine a single person who would prefer to just “skip to the end” this way. If it’s worth reading (and I believe it is), it’s worth reading the whole story. Don’t short-change yourself.

Rating: ★★★½☆ 

Feb 252011
 

The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms

The Inheritance Trilogy #1

Written: N.K. Jemisin

Published: February 25, 2010

Publisher: Orbit

ISBN: 0316043915

Obtained via: Gift from a friend

Blurb:

Yeine Darr is an outcast from the barbarian north. But when her mother dies under mysterious circumstances, she is summoned to the majestic city of Sky. There, to her shock, Yeine is named an heiress to the king. But the throne of the Hundred Thousand Kingdoms is not easily won, and Yeine is thrust into a vicious power struggle with cousins she never knew she had. As she fights for her life, she draws ever closer to the secrets of her mother’s death and her family’s bloody history.

With the fate of the world hanging in the balance, Yeine will learn how perilous it can be when love and hate – and gods and mortals – are bound inseparably together.

My Review:

N.K. Jemisin’s The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms twists and pulls traditional fantasy more times than a piece of string on a pair of knitting needles. We have all the usual epic fantasy elements: strange gods, a stoic king, a beautiful palace, powerful magic, and a youngster trying to find her place in the world. Except that none of those pieces fit together in any of the usual ways: the king is a tyrant, the palace is poison, the youngster already ruled her homeland before we met her, and the gods are weapons and slaves turned against each other by mortal hand.

The world of The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms is exotic and strange, and the Palace of Sky is the strangest, most exotic place in all the land. It is a place where the ruling family is dozens (maybe hundreds) strong and where the large majority of them work as servants, but the only slaves in the place aren’t human — they’re gods. Yeine is thrust into this strange world – her mother’s world – where she’s been declared heir to the kingdom, if she can survive. Surviving won’t be easy, though, with her two cousins doing their best to kill her and with the god-slaves trying to draw her into their own dangerous conspiracies.

This book is cruel and strange; deadly and beautiful; by turns compelling and repulsive. I’ve seen a whole truckload of hype about this book, and I’m not entirely convinced that it’s lived up to all of it. But I daresay that it was woven well and uniquely and is worth a look for any fantasy fan. I’m looking forward to having the time to take #2 – The Broken Kingdoms off my shelf.

Rating: ★★★½☆ 

Interested in winning your own copy of The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms? Leave a comment on this post by midnight ET on February 28th, 2011 to be entered to win. (1 entry per person, drawn at random. Must have US shipping address.)

Feb 242011
 

Blackveil cover artKristen Britain’s fourth Green Rider novel, Blackveil, came out February 1. Having now read through it I am extremely happy to have gotten a new novel. Before I get started though, a blurb:

Viewings at a masquerade ball celebration before the King’s wedding give us glimpses of events that may have a huge impact on Sacoridia. Karigan gets sent to Blackveil on a joint Eletian and Sacoridian expedition. Alton meets Karigan’s best friend and minstrel, Estral, and they start making progress on fixing the D’Yer wall. Meanwhile, the Second Empire’s leaders continue to do their utmost to bring about the downfall of Sacoridia.

The High King’s Tomb also introduced Lord Amberhill to us, and he plays an interesting, almost bit part in this novel. I have a feeling he’s going to turn out a big part of this story in the end, but I don’t currently know just how big. He also makes some rather unfortunate decisions in his stint throughout these couple novels.

I also feel I’ve got a bit of a handle on Karigan. She’s bad at relationships. Just about any of them. I can think of only two times when her bad assumptions are not her fault. And she’s decidedly selfish when it comes to some of these things. I know she’s a stubborn girl, but seriously, when you already know you’re lonely, why in the world would you push away your closest friends? That loneliness is part of why I think she makes those bad decisions, but I guess if she made all the right ones all the time, she’d be a less interesting character. I do wish she’d make better decisions at least on occasion! At least she and Stevic made up at the beginning of this one! :D Also, Stevic was finally back in the book! ;)

Another thing I’ve noticed is that Karigan herself seems to be the deus ex machina of these books. I think most of the things she’s done as such have been explained (which I suppose makes her not much of an actual deus ex machina), but I wish we could see more of her out of the box thinking and skills saving the day instead of who she is being the Big Thing.

And the ending. I don’t know if it’s come across in my collection of posts, but endings really help make a book for me. They’re extremely important in making a book feel like a finished product, in particular when the author only comes out with a book once every 4 years or so. (Seriously, 1998, 2003, 2007, and now 2011.) This is the first time I’ve been disappointed. Matter of fact, I very much liked the way the other books ended. Don’t get me wrong, there’s an ending, and even a good one for some of the characters (with high hopes and potential drama insinuated for the next book in those endings), but the very end of Blackveil, with the likelihood of it being another 4 years till the next book definitely leaves something to be desired.

All that being said, I really enjoyed this book! So many things happen (Estora gets to be a badass), and it seems that the world might start being a somewhat less dark place than it seemed in the last couple, though I’m sure there are still many dire straights left in store for our favorite Sacoridians, and I can’t wait until I get to read of their continued exploits! (Please, please let it be less than 4 years.)

Feb 222011
 

A Note From Kiara: This cross-posted guest review comes from another dear friend of mine. Paige is SUCH a great friend that she was the best “man” at my wedding. She’s only recently started her own review blog but she has very good instincts, so please click over and give her other reviews a visit.

Published in August of 2010, book #1 of the Death Works Series is Death Most Definite, Australian author Trent Jamieson’s debut novel. Set in the city of Brisbane in Queensland, Australia, the story focuses on Psychopomp Steven de Selby, whose job it is to facilitate the journey of the souls of the newly dead to the afterlife. Yet the newly dead girl he just met doesn’t want him to do so. Instead of needing him to ease her journey to the Underworld, she’s trying to save his life.

The back cover blurb:

Steven de Selby has a hangover. Bright lights, loud noise, and lots of exercise are the last thing he wants. But that’s exactly what he gets when someone starts shooting at him.

Steven is no stranger to death-Mr. D’s his boss after all-but when a dead girl saves him from sharing her fate, he finds himself on the wrong end of the barrel. His job is to guide the restless dead to the underworld but now his clients are his own colleagues, friends, and family.


Mr. D’s gone missing and with no one in charge, the dead start to rise, the living are hunted, and the whole city teeters on the brink of a regional apocalypse-unless Steven can shake his hangover, not fall for the dead girl, and find out what happened to his boss- that is, Death himself.

It’s a certainty that our main character, Pomp Steve de Selby, wouldn’t have lived through the first chapter had it not been for newly deceased Lissa Jones. A fact which makes him tend to rather like her quite a lot. Maybe a little too much. Even though she’s dead.

After the attempt on his life, things just go from bad to worse to horrific for Steve and he’s literally running for his life while those around him are all dragged down. So here he is, attempting to deal with the dreadful weight of loss and betrayal that’s been heaped upon him out of nowhere, while realizing that he’s the only one left who might be able to prevent a regional apocalypse.

The dead need to be pomped and as time passes and his Pomp colleagues dwindle, Steven is the only one who can ease their passing to the Underworld. And dammit, it’s getting hard! To make matters worse, Stirrers are beginning to inhabit the bodies whose souls are seeking passage. They’re everywhere and they’re after Steven. Now, Stirrers aren’t your run-of-the-mill, Romero-esque, living flesh-eating zombies. Oh, no… they’re much worse. Here’s how the book describes an outbreak of Stirrers:

Bodies will disappear from morgues, people will see their deceased loved ones walking in the street, or wake up with them in their bed. And there will be no joy in the occasion, because they are not loved ones, just something that possesses their memories: an imperfect and deadly mimic.

Stirrers are voids. They will turn a house cold and they will swallow laughter. They are the worst aspects of time only sped up and grown cruelly cunning. Bad luck follows them.

The scariest thing about them is that instead of mindless sacks of flesh and bone shambling aimlessly about and trying to eat people, Stirrers are actual beings from the depths of the Underworld that inhabit dead bodies and move them about. They do very unzombie-like things like talking and driving cars and shooting at people and such. People like poor Steven de Selby. As a Psychopomp, he can “stall” these Stirrers, or banish them from the bodies they inhabit. He only needs to shed some blood, his blood, and touch them to do so. But it’s difficult, it’s painful, and they’re just… everywhere.

Steven is racing against the clock, trying to avoid being wiped out, trying to avoid the Stirrers, trying to discover his betrayer and the reason for the Pomp massacre, trying to stop the apocalypse… and trying to find his boss because as creepy as he is, Steven could really use his advice and assistance. Where in hell is Death, anyway? With help from the dead girl he’s falling for, despite knowing better, and a couple of Black Sheeps who didn’t want to join in the family business but happen to be relatives of newly murdered Pomps, he’s going to try to find out. Even if it means going to hell and back.

I really enjoyed the characters in this book, the humor in the writing and the way Steven wore his heart on his sleeve. His bewilderment and pain in the face of the fiasco his life and his world became, literally in the blink of an eye, were believable and it was easy to sympathize with his plight. The story was fast-paced and the plot was like nothing I’ve read before. It held my interest so completely that I read it in three parts, kicking out the entire last half of the 320 page paperback in one sitting. I most definitely look forward to the next installment of the series, the recently released Managing Death.

Fave quotes:

‘It’s the first new law of the universe according to Steven de Selby’s life: things always get worse-and then they explode.’

‘Why were the seventies all about vomit colors?’

‘This would all be so very Mad Max if I was driving a V8, and if it wasn’t me.’

‘Shit, give dead people firearms and soon enough it’s all they know. Shoot this, blast that.’

“I never bothered with a computer for the real work. Who needs one, eh? Though I do like my Twitter.” ~Death